Cast of Fools
by Shadow ScytheX
Summary: (AU, Minor OOC) Felix is a not so ordinary guy thrust into a not so ordinary position: The school suspects that he is a cultist. So, how would YOU deal with this? (Chapter 6: A contest!)
1. Muckraking

**_Cast of Fools_**

_Shadow ScytheX_

Disclaimer: I do not own Felix, I do not own any part of GS. I own the plot, and that's about it.

Plot Outline: Felix is a kid in school, pretty much normal, but sort of... different. When certain people try to slander him, they discover just how different he is.

Chapter 1: Muckraking

Felix walked down the crowded hallway, humming to himself. He always did that, always humming to a tune that only he could hear. He had a small obsession with music those days. Blues, Jazz, Rock, whatever you threw at him, he'd listen to it. That may be how this whole mess started.

As he was walking, he bumped into Mia, the school president.

"Sorry," he muttered, continuing to walk. This was his first mistake. Really, it was his second. The first was getting out of bed. As it was, he had recently gotten over a cold, but was still feeling some of its effects. Had he stayed home, the entire fiasco would've been avoidable. In fact, if he had never been around an area with the cold, none of this would have ever happened. If he had never been born, he never would've gotten the cold. If his parents were never born, then he would've never been born, went to the concert, gotten the cold, gotten over it, get out of bed, walk through school, and knock down the second most powerful student in the building. So it's his grandparents' fault, if you think about it. But don't think about it, pay attention to the story.

"Hey, jerk, aren't you forgetting something?"

He then whirled around, glaring. He then walked over, picked up his harmonica, then continued walking. This was his second (third) mistake. The third (fourth) will soon be at hand.

"Hey, asshole, when you knock over a lady, you should at least have the courtesy to apologize!"

He then turned around again. "I see no lady. I see a brat whining about a sore ass that she will forget about at the end of the bell." He then turned back around and broke into a jog, now late for class.

Mia then fumed, swearing and kicking a locker. "He won't get away with this..."

Felix panted, barely making it into class before the bell ring. He flipped his harmonica across the back of his hand and into his pocket, and then took his seat in the back of the room. He then slumped in his chair, slowly falling into a dreamless sleep. He thought of many things, but never dreamed. Odd, but Felix is not how you would define 'Well-Adjusted'.

At the end of the bell, Felix roused himself up and walked out of the classroom. All of a sudden, a shout ran through the hallway:

"**_BREAKING NEWS!_****_ FELIX NAVARRO, CHILD OF THE OCCULT! PARENTS INFLUENCE CHILD INTO DARK ARTS, CHILD ACCEPTS THE ARTS WITH JOY! READ ALL ABOUT IT!_**"

Felix paused, walked over, took a newspaper, flipped through it, handed it back to the distributor, and thought nothing of it the rest of the day.

-Fin


	2. Voodoo Child

_Cast of Fools  
_  
Shadow ScytheX

Azusasan: Thank you for your kind, encouraging words. Like always. Mmhmm... Runs off Robo-Chocobo: You can read my response in my profile, if you wish.

Sunruner: I appreciate the... support? I think. Not too sure these days.  
  
Chapter 2: **Voodoo Child**  
  
The next day, Felix was happy to have gotten out of bed. Why, you ask? As he was having breakfast, somebody threw a flaming brick through his window. There was a note attached, but considering that the brick was flaming and all, Felix could not read said note after he had put the fire out.

He brushed this off, and with a shrug of his shoulders, began the slow walk to school.

And so, with a not so smooth start began the events known as, 'The Spaghetti Incident?' Now, you may be curious, "Why didn't this start as soon as the paper was distributed?" Simple: Plot device. And, if you think about it, gossip takes about 6 hours to fully circulate, and 12 to fully sink in. So as everybody woke up, they finally got it through their thick skulls that Felix was either...

A) A worshipper of the devil

B) A confused young man

C) The reincarnation of Donald Duck. However, I would not put too much stock into C, unless you happen to be into that kind of thing.

Now, you might also be thinking, 'Why all the sidetracking?' It's filler for while Felix walks to school. Really, not much happens on the way... Except for a few things worth mentioning:

Felix then ducked below the torrent of rotten cheese that was being thrown at him. "Stay away from my house, you bloody pagan beast!" shouted a man at Felix, throwing a larger chunk of expired dairy at our misguided hero. He then simply rolled behind a tree and waited for the man to run out of cheese or throw out his back. All of a sudden, from the other side of the park, came a shout of, "There's the duck man! We must destroy him before his fowl ways corrupt our youth!"

Felix then paused, snickering to himself, and then made a mad dash to the school, hiding his face via a now not-so-stupid-looking khaki shirt. As he walked in, he buttoned the khaki shirt around his chin, cleverly veiling his face, but unfortunately making himself look like a retard.

As things settled down, the word on everyone's lips was, "The Navarro kid worships the Devil." Well, not on everyone's. For instance, the Foreign Language club was repeatedly shouting, "Témalo, para el suyo es el rebirtha del Donald Duck de la bestia!"

Cleverly, Felix kept his head under his khaki shirt all the livelong day, earning him the nickname Khaki-Man. At roll call, he would simply ride low in his chair, and then remain asleep as per usual. See, the thing with Felix is, if you corner him, he will either cower or he will reveal that you walked into your own corner. However, at the risk of sounding negative, I'm not sure he could've taken on a school of 700 students and trick them into being in a corner. I'm sure he could've TRIED, and some would BELIEVE that they were in a corner, but the intelligent people in the crowd would point out that there is no corner in the world large enough to encompass even 100 people, but by that time Felix could have slipped away.

At this point, Felix didn't know what the hell was going on, so he simply ducked out of school at about 1, and to his horror, he found the paper in his house. It had broken a window. But when he saw the actual paper, he sighed, paced for a bit, and then chucked the paper out of a nearby window.  
The headline?

"**FBI investigates school system for potential sacrilegious threats**."  
  
_-Fin_


	3. Cult of Personality

_Cast of Fools_  
  
_Shadow ScytheX_

I'd like to thank everyone for the support. I'm not gonna' go into detail with all of the reviews since I'd like to get this done and watch Detective Conan.  
  
Chapter 3:** Cult of Personality**  
  
Felix gave the paper the once over, then quickly used it to shield his face from the flaming brick. This time, Felix sat down and pondered this quandary.  
  
'If you think about it, the structural integrity of a brick would not allow it to combust before hitting its melting point, thereby making it useless unless it was some magical brick-sludge being thrown...'  
  
And as if somebody was reading his thoughts and publishing them on a site at midnight for quick reference when looking for stuff to read over and laugh at, a flaming chunk of sludge, presumably concrete, smacked him in the leg. Imbedded inside was a note, but Felix was too busy attempting to remove the flaming sludge without charring his leg, or worse, ruining his jeans.  
  
"God dammit, these are new... Shit, shit, shit, shit!" He managed to put out the fire and save himself from injury, but alas, the jeans were no more. There was now a large, blob shaped burn in them. Even Kurt Cobain would have to say, 'Dude, it's time to buy new pants.' And then he would walk back to his grave, leaving Felix wondering how he was able to talk without a jaw.... Or much of a head, for that matter.  
  
Barring that, Felix then took off his pants, and decided to read the note in his boxers. I mean, it's not like plaid boxers really present a target, and when you're reading a note and standing still, surely nobody will notice. And they DEFINITELY won't throw old milk cartons filled with napalm at you. This, in fact, was exactly what happened. Minus the noticing and the napalm, but plus several dozen matches.  
  
Felix managed to escape the napalm and the resulting inferno in his main room. He went to his bedroom, put on some pants, then carefully snuck out the window, reading his note. "Where is everybody the same? Same houses with the same windows with similar uniforms. Well, what the dancing Lord involves being the same? And uniforms... And similar housing situation... And cookies. I'm hoping for cookies. Maybe even pancakes. Yes... Mrs. Butterworth, your delicious syrupy goodness shall soon be mine, mine and mine alone..."  
  
At this he gave a maniacal cackle, and then hid behind a garbage can. Why did he do this? Well, he's already a Voodoo Child. People are just looking for an excuse to throw stuff at him. Hell, throwing things at people is fun as anything. I mean, if you see a crazy religious blowhard, bean him in the head with a conveniently located brick. You'll be laughing to yourself in self-satisfaction for days. And then, you realize you have no life and you go back to the little pity hole you call a computer.  
  
Nonetheless, Felix was still on the lookout for self-righteous bastards who happen to be armed with bricks. Those HURT, man. I mean, everybody hurts, sometimes, as R.E.M. illustrates, but god DAMN, those things hurt. And if they aim low, you probably won't be able to walk for a few days. And that just does not bode well for our misguided hero.  
  
Anyways, Felix walked around the town, thinking about the riddle that had almost permanently disfigured him. All of a sudden, the answer hit him. It hit him, dragged him back to their hideout and probably beat and molested him on the way there.

When Felix awoke, he saw a large sign greeting him:  
"**_WELCOME TO THE CULT OF PERSONALITY._**"

-Fin


	4. You Know You Never Can Tell

_Cast of Fools  
  
Shadow ScytheX  
_  
Once again, thank you for your kind, encouraging, compassionate words. And now, in the words of Chuck Berry:

Chapter 4: **You Know You Never Can Tell**  
  
Felix read the banner, and then started to hum the opening notes of the Living Colour classic. He then stood up, brushed off his shoulders, then confidently strode into the other room.  
  
Groaning in pain, Felix then got up, rubbed his nose, took a stride to the left, opened the door, and then entered the other room. He then walked to the man in the center of the room. "Why the hell am I here? What the hell is wrong with you? Who the hell are you? Why are you wearing that damn robe? Where am I? Why do I have to shout to get attention? What's your record for consecutive unanswered questions?"  
  
The man calmly looked up at him. "Alex, if you don't mind."  
  
A man with sapphire hair stood up, visibly annoyed, and spoke in a calm, bright, sardonic voice. "You are the chosen one, destined to lead us to Valhalla; Mild schizophrenia, Saturos, leader of the Cult of Personality (Or lack thereof)," and then he paused, took out a guitar, and played the infamous riff, then without missing a beat, continued. "It's roomy, comfortable, and you can hide erections fairly easily, inside of the Headquarters of the Cult of Personality..." He then took out the guitar and played the riff, adding a small amount of tremolo and pulling a McJagger. "I suppose it's insecurity about your opinions, and 34." He then sat down and sighed. "Is there anything else?"  
  
"Can you let me go?" Felix asked, looking hopeful. Now, more fun Felix facts: When Felix gives you the hopeful look; he is literally begging you to do what he says at this point. However, should you not comply, he will become suddenly and dangerously violent. With that in mind, carefully scrutinize Saturos's next words and actions, and then determine if the result was predictable.  
  
"No."  
  
Suddenly, Felix's eyes flashed red, and the theme from Ironsides was blaring in his head. (Da da dum...) Woop, wooo, woo, woo... Ba-da-da-DUM! You know, it's in Kill Bill. Anyways...  
  
-Five Anger Filled Minutes Later-  
  
Saturos now found himself in a bathroom. And he subconsciously thanked himself for not choosing the toxic blue water for his toilets. However, he was too miserable to consciously do it, and was praying to his inappropriately selected God for help. Felix then grew angrier by the second. "LET. ME. LEAVE. NOW."  
  
"N-no, we need you to get to Valhalla!"  
  
"Did I say you could talk, bitch!?" Felix then grabbed Saturos's ankles, then propped him up against the wall and dunked his head back into the toilet bowl. Felix then gave him a swirly as Alex looked on smugly. Saturos's legs then fell back down to the floor, and he was back where he was a few minutes ago: Head suspended above a toilet bowl in the fetal position, his former assistant looking on smugly, and his tail between his legs. "Now, I'll ask you once again... Can I leave, PLEASE?" His eyes glinted with insanity.  
  
"Y-yes, yes, let me go!"  
  
"I'll be going with him, Saturos. Hopefully you won't mind. And by the way, Vikings go to Valhalla when they die in battle. Ignorant pig," Alex said, muttering. He then walked over, turned Saturos around by the shoulder, and gave him a swift left hook to the jaw. He then smirked as Saturos hit the toilet bowl, knocking himself unconscious.  
  
Alex then sprinted to catch up to Felix. "Um, thanks for letting me watch back there... and for taking me along with you. I can't STAND that damn man anymore."  
  
"You have a nice left hook. Could be useful," Felix said, grinning. "Now, come on, let's get over to my house. If I'm gonna have a sidekick, he has to at least look cool."  
  
-5 minutes of changing and hat fitting later....-  
  
Alex walked out of Felix's room, now dressed similarly to a grunge singer out of Seattle. Flannel shirt, jeans, trucker's hat, and best of all... John Lennon glasses.  
  
"So, you say this girl fucked you over like her name was Bubba, right? Well, maybe we should figure out a way to get back at her."  
  
"I think I have a good idea..." Felix then gave a maniacal laugh into the sky, and it lasted for a few minutes.  
  
"SHUT UP, YA' DAMN DUCK FREAK!" Felix then quietly limped to the back of the room. Remember the discussion about brick wielders aiming low? Today was not going to bode well for Felix.  
  
"So, what do we call your magnificent plan?"  
  
"The Payback."  
  
"You're really into this whole music thing, aren't you?"  
  
**_-Fin_**


	5. Hot for Teacher

_Cast of Fools  
  
Shadow ScytheX_  
  
Well, it's nice to see that I'm steadily on my way to becoming a cult classic. And just for your convenience, I've listed the songs in Chapters 1- 3 in my profile, because I like you all that much. ON TO THE FIC!  
  
Chapter 5: **Hot For Teacher**  
  
Felix then smirked. Today was going to be a good day... The sun was shining, the birds were singing, Alex got laid... Felix then paused and bit his lip. He ran through his thoughts again. Sun shining, birds singing, Alex got laid. 'When did this happen?' He then shrugged. 'Must've been just a dream.'  
  
He then walked past Jenna's bedroom, door open. He waved at Alex, then trudged to the bathroom. 'Stud... Stud... Why does that word seem to keep popping up in my head?' He brushed his teeth, spat, then walked past Jenna's room again. He waved at Jenna, then waved at Alex again. 'Alex... and Jenna. Alex... on top of Jenna. Alex... is a stud...'  
  
All of a sudden everything paused. Children hung suspended in midair jumping on their trampolines. The paper kid on his bike froze in mid-toss. Mia's bitter bitchiness towards people she considered suddenly halted.  
  
-Somewhere divine and white colored-  
  
God sat contentedly on the edge of his seat, peering at Felix intently. St. Peter walked behind Him, and then tapped Him on the shoulder. "I know you like screwing with this guy, but we have work to get done."  
  
God sighed, and turned around. "Wait a second. This is the best part. The realization and shock that's about to pass over his face. Rather interesting. It turns from surprise, to horror, to acceptance, to burning insanity. Check it," He said, pointing down.  
  
-Back in Felix's Home-  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO, ALEX!?"  
  
"Your sister. I kind of thought it was obvious from the shouts."  
  
"So I didn't dream those? I'm not crazy and/or perverted?"  
  
"Nope! You're perfectly normal for a guy who found out his friend banged his sister for 4 hours."  
  
Jenna then walked behind Alex and gave him a long hug, then turned to Felix. "We have two options for breakfast: Pop-Tarts or make your own damn eggs."  
  
"I think I'll just have the Pop-Tart."  
  
"You have legs. Get your own damn breakfast, Felix."  
  
Felix then gave a long sigh, stood up, walked over to the cabinet, took out a packet of Pop-Tarts, and sat down. "Do you want anything?"  
  
Alex then shook his head. He picked up a camera lying on the table, put it in his back pocket, then walked towards the door. "Are we going to do this or what?"  
  
"Gimme a second to finish my damn Pop-Tart. You porked my sister, I think I should at least get to finish my breakfast." He then stood up, strode quietly to the door, and then opened it. He took out his harmonica, played a small, bright, vibrant jig, then put it away. "Let's do this." Felix put on a poncho and a sombrero, and Alex put on his coat and his now trademark John Lennon glasses. Together, Englishman and Mexican, they walked out the door, prepared to face the day and all the magical challenges. Except for one.  
  
As they walked downtown, they were heckled, berated, and often had things thrown at them. However, Felix, by now used to having things thrown at him, dodged them with ease. Felix then suddenly screamed in agony, then punched Alex square in the jaw.  
"What the FUCK did you do that for?"  
  
"Banging my sister loudly and crudely."  
  
He then let out another scream, and kneed Alex in the stomach.  
  
"And what the fuck was THAT one for?"  
  
"The cancellation of Spin City. But let's move."  
  
Alex then gave him a look, and then walked into the store. "We're here to meet 'Crazy Ivan'. Where is he?"  
  
"I'm Crazy Ivan. Can I help you?" said a young boy, standing upside down on the ceiling.  
  
"Um... Yes. We need your expert help to exact revenge on some people."  
  
Ivan then fell to the ground and landed in a handstand. "Kashmir High?"  
  
"How can you tell?"  
  
"I have been to every high school in the city. You have the look of a tortured individual. I take it you'll want Mia Arod and Sheba Linn- Haisely?"  
  
"Huh. You are some other kind of man," said Felix. "How have you been to all 8 schools, yet you're only 14?"  
  
"I bounce around a bit. I DO have one question, though."  
  
"Yes? Go ahead, ask me anything."  
  
"Is it true that you're..."  
  
Alex and Felix both sighed, anticipating it.  
  
"...A diehard Rock fan?"  
  
Felix's eyes widened. "Yes. It is."  
  
Ivan then grinned, then went in the back. When he came out, he had a CD. "Van Halen, 1984, Limited Edition. Signed by Roth and Eddie himself. Take it. You give me a chance to wreak havoc; I give you something you like."  
  
Felix then grinned back at Ivan and tucked the CD in his poncho. "So, where's your outfit?"  
  
"Give me a second."  
  
-Five Action Packed minutes later-  
  
Ivan came out, dressed up like a traditional British detective. "The disguises are necessary. However, you'll need something more inconspicuous. Take this," he said, tossing Felix a blue trenchcoat. "And take off that damn hat."  
  
-Five more Action Packed minutes of Walking Later-  
  
"Here we are."  
  
"Convenient how well located things are in this town," noted Alex.  
  
"EVERYWHERE in St. Vale's takes 5 minutes to get to," said Ivan. He adjusted his hat, then unclipped his monocle. "Felix, give me your camera." Felix handed it to him, and Ivan then clipped it to the lens. Using the zoom-monocle and the camera's natural lens together, he was able to get a clear shot of the old teacher's lounge.  
  
"Why the hell are we HERE?"  
  
"God dammit, don't question me! Just watch and see, my friend."  
  
And sure enough, they watched, and sure enough, they got an eyeful.  
  
"Is that... Mia? And who is she with?" Felix then asked, straining his eyes.  
  
Alex then smirked, then grabbed Ivan's shoulder. "You see this? This is for me ever having doubted you." Alex slapped himself, and then Ivan, without missing a beat, turned back to his camera and slapped Alex in the back of the head.  
  
"That was for wearing gray trousers with green socks. Yeah, you thought you were so clever. I caught you, ya' damn fairy."  
  
"I can attest to him not being a fairy, you know..." said Felix, inherently twitching.  
  
"Shut up and watch. See who she's there with?"  
  
All of a sudden Alex and Felix's mouths hung open.  
  
**_ "MR. PICARD!?"_**  
  
-Fin


	6. Welcome to the Jungle

_Cast of Fools  
  
Shadow ScytheX_

Thank you, all of you, for reviewing my story. It's still going strong, and with such strength, I feel I should give something back to the readers... So I chose two separate contests! At the end of the chapter, I'll give you more details. It suffices to say, pay attention to EVERYTHING.

Chapter 6: **Welcome to the Jungle**  
  
Felix then walked away from the school, partially happy, partially mortified, but mostly shocked. "I didn't know that you could be taught to bend that way... More interesting, though, is the fact that while her ankles were locked behind her head the whole time, yet managed to suddenly unhook while she flipped on her belly and allowed Mr. Piers to violate her from behind."  
  
"You gotta' watch for the quiet ones. Think she'd be good at fellatio?" Alex asked, a slight bounce in his voice.  
  
Ivan then grinned. "These are some nice shots I have here. Do you want me to make you some extra copies?"  
  
Felix then shook his head, and made Alex do the same. Then Felix grinned. "Maybe she should go to hell, but man she's doing really well, and the teacher wants to see her after class..." He then turned back to Alex. "You up for another revenge scheme?"  
  
"Hell yeah. Will there be intriguing and mildly arousing results?"  
  
Ivan then smirked. "Yes, there will be. But do you find drug abuse and sexual experimentation while strung out on E arousing?"  
  
Alex then paused. "Is it a woman we're talking about?"  
  
"A former friend. But first, we need to distribute these flyers. Felix, you spread these in the school. Alex, you spread these around the subway walls and tenement halls. I'll take these and spread them around hotels, distributing them for profit. Ready? Break!"  
  
-Five Action Packed Minutes on the Metro Later-  
  
Alex then walked through the relatively quiet subways, stapling flyers over graffiti written by somebody called, 'The Prophet'. The wall was about 80% covered, and Alex decided that this was very satisfactory. He started to walk out when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. He turned around, and his blood turned cold.  
  
"Isaac?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You do understand I will not be able to pay you back for the 50 bucks I borrowed from you, correct?"  
  
"Of course. I'm the Prophet. I mean, why would I go to all this trouble of writing messages on the walls that would be covered with your kiddie smut if I couldn't at least predict one of my friends was a deadbeat?"  
  
"Point taken. I have twenty bucks. Can I use that as down payment?"  
  
"The Gods have spoken, and it will be so." Isaac then carefully reached into Alex's back pocket and took out a 20 dollar bill and 3 fives. "Don't stiff me, I'm the Prophet. I bid you good luck in your revenge."  
  
-Somewhere filled with whiny, angsty Goths sprouting angst-driven dribble-  
  
"Why oh why, did I get the gothic convention? All they've been doing for the past six hours is reciting poetry. It's very distracting. And it's bad. And I think that one of the Goths is confused."  
  
"Suck it up, you pansy," spoke Alex through the phone.  
  
"The Prophet would like you to know that another 10 minutes is out of the question, and The Prophet will beat your ass if you continue this conversation," said Isaac. Evidently, The Prophet also was in control of all of the phone booths in St. Vale and served as the operator. "These may be the 'Happiest Days of Our Lives', but The Prophet will not hesitate to make them your most miserable."  
  
Alex then sighed. "Look, I have to go. Suck up the poetry for another 20 minutes and finish the job."  
  
"Fine. I'll see you later... I hope." All of a sudden, as soon as Ivan hung up the phone, a loud blast of 'music' entered the room. Ivan dropped to his knees and began to cry as the waves of nu-metal/emo washed over him and consumed his mortal thoughts and desires.  
  
"**_CRAWLLLLLLLING IIIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN! THESE WOOOOOOOOUNDS THEEEEEEEY WILL NOT HEALLLLLLLL! FEAR IS HOW I FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! CONFUUUUUUUUUUSING WHAT IS REAAAAAAAL, OH-WA- OHHHHHHHH!"_**  
  
Ivan then ran out of the room. He huddled into a little ball, cuddling his Wish You Were Here CD and singing himself "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" until all of the vestiges of the terrible music left him.  
  
-Fin  
  
Alright, here's the deal: I have two contests available. One is much, much, MUCH harder than the other one. Option A) Answer the following questions: 1) Who did Alex take his glasses design from?  
  
2) What did The Prophet do when Alex tried to hand him 20 bucks?  
  
3) What does Felix pick up after knocking into Mia?  
  
4) When Felix sleeps, what does he dream about?  
  
5) What object does Felix wear around his head to avoid detection?  
  
6) When Alex punches Saturos, what was he telling him?  
  
7) What is the first thing Felix does when he discovers the name of the Cult where he is located?  
  
8) When was the only time Felix blocked a brick, and what did he block it with?  
  
9) What was Ivan doing when Alex walked into his store?  
  
10) Who disrupted God when he was watching Felix?  
  
Option B) (More risk, more reward) Name as many musical references as you can in the story. Include the Artist and/or Song Name. Good luck!


	7. Get the Funk Out!

_Cast of Fools  
  
Shadow ScytheX_

The contest is still up, but you can only reference music from Chapters 1- 6... But seeing how well that seems to be going, it probably won't be a problem. -.-  
  
Chapter 7: **Get the Funk Out!  
**  
Ivan stared at his feet, borderline tears in his eyes, and then all of a sudden, walking down the street came a group of thugs. Ivan stood up, wiped the tears from his eyes, and all of his 5 feet, 4 inches stood on edge, looking as imposing as you can for a kid that just suffered a bitch- slap of emo.  
  
One of the larger thugs, with flaming red hair, walked up to Ivan and pushed him back. "You wanna start somethin', Shorty?"  
  
"No, but yo' Mama sure did last night," said Ivan, smirking.  
  
The thug growled. All of a sudden, from the back, a man with blue hair walked up from the back. "Ghostface Killa', step back, son."  
  
"But Blue Man..."  
  
"Don't 'But Blue Man' me, Ghost! Now, your cracker-ass friend seems to have an attitude problem."  
  
"Let's kick his ass!"  
  
"Let's gut him!"  
  
"Let's strap him to a bed and dry hump him for several hours!"  
  
Blue and Ghost looked back at their gang, and then they looked up at the building. On top, they saw a tanned woman with flaming red hair, standing on a roof with a switchblade drawn, a bottle of Johnny Walker in the other hand, and a very odd looking sombrero and poncho. Oddly enough, at that convenient moment, a group of confused Mexican immigrants walked past and penned the theme to The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, and then found it was copyrighted and got their asses sued several months later.  
  
Karst made a magnificent backflip off the roof, into a wall, bounced off the wall, crashed through a window into a Laundromat, rolled into a washing machine, built up speed, then shot herself out like a human cannonball and tackled Blue. "Agatio, Garet, Mom said to quit playing 'Thugz 4 Lyfe' and go buy her some Fish Sticks."  
  
'Ghost' then took off his bandanna and sighed. "Look, you go get the Fish Sticks, we'll trade off, Agatio."  
  
"Just because I'm your half sister don't mean shit, 'ese'. So go get Ma the damn fish sticks."  
  
Garet and Agatio took off running. Karst then sauntered over to Ivan. "You're cute. What's your name?"  
  
"Ivan."  
  
"Ivan, could you get on one knee for me?"  
  
Ivan then shrugged, and kneeled. He came up about to her stomach.  
  
"You'll do for now. Come with me."  
  
-Meanwhile, 2 hours ago, at the school-  
  
Felix then sighed. He stapled another flyer of Mia being anally assaulted on the wall, then grinned.  
  
"That'll do kid, that'll do," spoke a voice behind him.  
  
"Who's there?"  
  
"Doesn't being a counselor in this school count for anything any more?"  
  
"Oh, it's you. How're you lately, Feizhi?"  
  
"About the same. How's life been treating you?"  
  
"Like I ran over its dog. Anyways, I have to finish up and get the hell out of here. Can you just not tell anybody I was here today?"  
  
"Can do. That's some very nice photography you have there. Did you commission Ivan?"  
  
"...Yes. What's your point?"  
  
"Oh, nothing, nothing at all. If you don't mind, stop by my office tomorrow, okay?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"And Felix?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"It's not school policy to let people with guns on the property."  
  
"Um, alright?" Felix then shrugged... 'I don't have a gun.... No, I don't have a gun...'  
  
-Fin


	8. Killer Queen

_Cast of Fools  
  
Shadow ScytheX_  
  
Notes: Yeah, it may seem a TAD bit early, but I dun' care. I do what I feel like. That's why this story has the updating schedule that I can support. I think I'll just declare Shadows on the Wall the winner. The other contest will remain open for as long as this story is on the site. And her reward? A cameo in the story. Hell, why not? A two-chapter appearance.  
  
Chapter 7: **Killer Queen**  
  
Felix woke up to the sound of his sister fucking Alex's poor brains out. He'd been doing this for several days, but the new addition of it was his new friend Ivan having HIS brains fucked out by a Hispanic tryst he met named Karst. Something about saving his life and then to repay her... The thought of Ivan sleeping with anybody instantly sucked out his libido like a mosquito, so he stood up, put on a bandanna, and triumphantly jumped out the window. He then climbed back up the window and put on pants and a denim jacket. He then jumped BACK out the window and walked to school. He didn't need Ivan for this. All he had was his hopes, his dreams, and a band-aide, just in case, you know?  
  
He walked through the school doors. All was quiet. He fingered the band-aide in his pocket cautiously. All of a sudden, Sheba walked out through a door in the back.  
  
She looked at him, and her eyes suddenly narrowed. "Zerreißen Sie seinen getrenntEsel heftig!"  
  
All of a sudden, a large group of people came out. Felix swore under his breath. "Germans. Out of any possible European group she could've chosen from, she chose Germans." He then started muttering and praying very quickly.  
  
The Germans started to approach Felix, murderous intent in their eyes. Felix suddenly stopped chanting. "JEW POWERS ACTIVATE!"  
  
All of a sudden, dozens of Israelites poured through the hallways, just enough to halt the flow of Germans. Felix walked through the crowd, and face to face with the cause of his troubles, he stared into her eyes. "We have unfinished business, Sheba Linn-Haisely."  
  
All of a sudden, she took a very quick swing at him. Felix dodged it, then ducked under a high-kick. "Well, I for one did not see THIS one coming." She took out a switchblade, and in a feat of indescribable MacGueyver badassness, he took the bandage and wound it around the blade, forcing it open, and then threw it at the wall, embedding it into the wall.  
  
"You will die horribly for losing my last switch blade, Navarro." All of a sudden, her hand went to his throat. He gasped for breath.  
  
"When was the last time you used deodorant, woman?" He then broke off her grip, tripped her, and then went for the finishing blow. She caught his foot, banged him against the lockers, and then brutally stomped between his shoulder blade and his arm.  
  
"God damn... I can't feel my arm... That was the arm I use to mastur- Erm, write with. Yeah. Let's go with that." He then stood up, his arm hanging limply against his side. He took out his band-aide, put it on his arm, and then slapped Sheba. Then, dignity in tact, functional arm not, he walked out the front door... And was then promptly hit by a bus driven by crazy Jehovah's Witnesses. Going the logical path, he decided to pass out on the spot, suffering from several wounds, the most prominent being the loss of his left arm.  
  
**_-Fin_**


End file.
